Wednesday, December 23, 2009

where the trees lean: written 12-28-08

It's eerie how you can be a main part of someones life for such a long time, and by being a part I mean like being a part of the group that the said person defines themselves by, to almost being a stranger- an acquaintance.
For me, High School was very easy because I felt like I was a part of something bigger than myself. I was a "part" of this weird relationship between my class, we had each other and that was all really. Now, we've all gone our separate ways and met new people. We are no longer this group of one, but a group torn at the seams, split apart and shared with the rest of the world.

Our society pressures change so much, pressures traveling, moving, leaving.
But whats so wrong with staying put?
What is life without a place that I can call "my place."
Where do I turn when I no longer know who "my people" are?

One thing that I've been thinking about lately is energy.
Every person gives off energy, but whats really interesting is when one persons energy interacts with another.
What makes a person more attracted to person A than person B? Sure, looks come into play, obviously- but theres more. Its how their energy relates and responds. Its how they connect.
I believe that when it comes to friendships, love and all other relationships- its all a give and take of energy.

I remember walking through the Deerfield fair one year, keeping to myself, but simply watching. People are so intriguing. I always want to know more.
Anyways, as I was walking through a crowd of people, I look up and lock eyes with this boy. In that moment, our "energies" reacted, we connected, we had a spiritual interaction. It was such a short moment, but its something i'll always remember.

You're probably thinking "he probably just thought you were hot" or something similar. But I'll tell you all something really creepy that you'll probably never believe.
On the drive home from the fair, I stared into outer space from behind the dirty glass window and hoped that I would see that boy again. A little more than a month later, he found me on myspace. (weird, right?)
Turns out, he was a good friend of an ex-boyfriend of mine.
He asked me who I was and brought up that moment we locked eyes.
After a short conversation about who we both were, where we came from, etc. We never spoke again. I can't even remember his name, truthfully.
But thats how life goes, I guess.
One moment makes such a difference, and can alter so much.

Its all about moments, these chunks of time.

I think that this is why I was drawn to photography so much.
I want to capture these fleeting moments so desperately.
Each experience I have, is once in a lifetime.
With my camera, I, in essence, trap a piece of time.
You can travel back in time with a photograph.

I don't really know where I'm going with this- and I've been trying to spit this out for so long.

I'm just ready to move on, I'm ready to be happy, I'm ready for the new year. I'd like to find a place to bury my roots, I'd like to rediscover these lost relationships with friends.

Who am I, really?

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